K – Kabir, The Know-It-All

Some people “Google it.”

Some people are Google.

Meet Kabir.

He doesn’t browse—he broadcasts. He doesn’t read—he recites. He doesn’t suggest—he instructs.


We were catching up at a cozy café when I made the mistake of ordering coffee.

Not a double shot, not a macchiato—just a regular, very human cup of coffee.

Kabir (raising eyebrows): “You’re still drinking coffee?”

Me: “Yes, because I love it as you know well.”

Kabir: “You know white tea has triple the antioxidants with barely any acidity? Way better for post-chemo gut repair. Plus, it’s what Chinese emperors preferred.”

Friend (whispering): “What does that even have to do with anything?”

Me (sipping quietly): “It’s Kabir. Let him finish the TED Talk.”

Moments later, I choked slightly while laughing, and the coffee went down the wrong way.

Kabir (immediately switching modes): “Was that a dry cough or wet? Because if it’s dry, it might be bronchial hyperresponsiveness. Happens post-chemo. It’s good to do a checkup just in case...”

Me: “I just drank too fast.”

My inner monologue: Why do I feel like I walked into a diagnostic center and not a café?

We were trying to change the topic—talking about international news—when someone vaguely mentioned a small political crisis in a lesser-known European country.

Friend: “Wait, where even is that?”

Kabir: “It’s on the southeastern border. They had a trade embargo in 2008. The new PM just stepped in last month. The opposition staged a walkout last week.”

All of us: “WHAT?”

Kabir: “I read about it.”

Of course, you did, Kabir!


In a world full of questions, he’s the guy with all the answers—whether you want them or not.

Sure, he can be a bit much.

Sure, your coffee may turn cold while he lectures you about caffeine metabolism.

But in his own “I-read-it-somewhere” way, Kabir is looking out for you.

And honestly?

I’d still choose that coffee with Kabir. Even if it comes with a side of unsolicited PDFs.

Have you met a Kabir in your life?

Or… are you the Kabir in your group?


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